Unexpected Discoveries: Salute to the silence many.

A few weeks ago I started promoting the two winners of competition for the organisation I volunteer. Posting up both poem and story, I thought I was doing the right thing. I will not mention this person by name, but one of Writers Activation’s winners has been forcibly made to recant their winning piece. I do not understand the whole situation, but I find this a travesty! I love this piece, and the interview/profile I made for the winning author was moving and personal for me. Again showing me another side of writing, the consequences of revealing the truth of past events.

As I will not again mention this person, as they were brave in what they wrote and declared to the world what happened to them as a child. I deplore this attitude of individuals close to them as they might not understand the need for this release. As being an abused child myself, I can understand the need for this account.

Being taken by my father and when he remarried mistreated by the stepmother. Eighteen months of torture, my sister and I endured. Starvation, beatings, insults and being forced to live ‘happy’ lives. I was at the age of four to five compelled to watch the Poltergeist, and also I remember some pornographic movies or at least R rated movies that had sex scenes that I was also forced to watch. I’m 37 years old now, and this happens over 31 years ago. Partly my imagination and creation of stories saved my mind becoming mush. I had bruises that went from my neckline to my hem of my shorts; I was black and blue. The mental fortitude that is needed to survive is weird as I didn’t understand what happened. They convinced teachers to ignore the suffering of my sister and I. During this time; we ate thrown away food out of rubbish bins to have something to eat. I can recall a time that we only had water for two weeks and couldn’t leave a room because of some long forgotten reason.

We were found out about this abuse and eventually sent into foster care. During all this time my mother was fighting in court to gain custody again with my new step-father. I wish I could say that is fine and dandy in the foster home, but I can’t. During this time, I was at least once sexually abused by another foster teen; this is one detail I will never remember; I am glad of this.

Again I survived and after six months, reunited with my mother. Now I wish I could say this was a beginning of a fantastic life, but again I cannot. My step-father was an angry, abusive man, who used to abuse me mentally and emotionally, this didn’t come about for a few years. So I did have some time to push that past time behind me. I remember him saying to me that I would never be his son; I was useless and would amount to nothing. Again and again, he would say this, reaffirming that I was a no-one and a nothing. I began to believe him. I also wanted to become a police officer, but again my step-father convinced me that I could never become something like that as I was a fat, useless person; I despise this man! Years of this, day in, day out abuse. I also started to play dungeon and dragons and reading at the same time as a way to escape, one reason why I love them so much and why I am writing a book in this genre.

These are just gloss over of what happened to me as a child and a teenager. It is sad that it happened, and I can’t say that it took me a little bit of time to overcome this event, but I did. With the help of some fantastic people, if I will be honest I think when through worse than me. I did find a little happiness during in my childhood, but that was due to me suppressing my emotions and seeking escapism. I would like to thank my friends, sisters and brother for helping me to recover. A tribute to the winner as if they cannot tell their story I shall tell mine. I will follow in their footsteps and want people to understand that ‘it is okay to say something and come forward’. Usually, I try and put a positive spin on negative blogs, this time; I can’t as it is too close to home. All I can say is that all those brave women and men out there who have seen the darker nature of people, there are people out there who when through something similar; you are not alone.

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